Finding a passion and creating yourself :)

The BEST Quote Ever!

Well it's been a LONG time since I last blogged. I haven't had a ton to say to be honest. 
 I've been off doing fun things and living in and quite enjoying :

 Recently I submitted my story to Inside fitness and to Bodybuilding.com...lucky for me they decided to print  and feature my story :) It was one of the best feelings to see myself in print...and over the top to have my boys see Mom in a magazine. The topper being that Ian's friends at school saw me in Inside Fitness, filling him with Extra mommy pride! All of these features have brought out lots of supporters that I am very very thankful for...I truly appreciate all the kind words, the shares, the likes and the hugs! 

This week was bodybuilding.com week, My feature was published on the largest body building website in the WORLD. Ya kinda crazy eh!...like YIIIPPEEE crazy ;) Along with this came a ton...and I mean a TON of emails, FB messages IG messages...The response has been overwhelming. I believe my feature had over 110 shares ...Thus leading to lots of attention.

A lot of the messages were from Mom's. Because I am a Mom...lol and its a big...no likely the #1 reason I started this,. I thought I would address some concerns from them encase there were others with the same issues. There were a few trends in the messages that I started to notice. There was a constant sense of guilt for wanting to find time for themselves, there was a desperation that I totally understood, There was a general feeling of it never happening for them and what can you tell someone starting out. So I thought I would try and be as open as I can be about these topics.

1.Mom Guilt. By far the most crippling of all guilt. It happens the instant you give birth. The feeling of fierce protection, the devotion, The commitment to this little life in your arms. You vow to do everything you can to give this little person EVERYTHING...to be EVERYTHING!! That's the killer word...you vow to give him or her EVERYTHING your EVERYTHING. That's when guilt can take over your life. Mom's have a hard time giving themselves anytime because they feel they should come last, that the family, the dishes, the laundry etc comes before them. Think about it for 2 seconds...The laundry is more important than you being able to do something for you!?!  Do the kids realllly need to be in 5 activities a week.?! That's not anything you would teach your children, so why show them that you deserve to treat yourself as second to housework or that your desires and activities are less important than theirs?!?. If you don't value you...will they grow up to value themselves?!?





I've said this before but I will again for the new readers and as a good reminder. One of the best things is  having my boys watch me go after something. They watched me commit to something, and finish. I had a life long dream of being athletic, fit and healthy. I needed to create myself...and I feel super blessed that I waited until I had children to go after ME.  This leads me perfectly into the next trend.

2. Desperation to find yourself I heard a lot of mom's and wives say they feel lost, like they don't know who they are anymore. This one really hit me the most...it's something I hadn't thought about for a while. Being a Mom is busy...lol. It really is. Throw in being a wife and employed and most day's just blur together. You are the master of all things. You wear a million hats all day long...it's an amazing job but at times you stop and think...Man is my only role my only purpose to do stuff for other people?! What the heck did I used to do before all this awesome craziness started?! This can make you feel lost...or just spinning your wheels. 
Things are so different for Men and Women. I was raised to be a strong independent woman.  When a woman gets married she usually takes on her husbands name, I struggled long and hard with this choice but eventually I did decide to take my husbands name. I then remember feeling like I was now Allen's Wife. It's not a bad thing...but I know a lot of women will understand where I'm coming from on this one. I'm no longer Sheryl Gesinghaus...I'm Allen's wife...Sheryl Gatzke. Then we had 2 amazing boys...and I then became Ian and Eric's Mom...that is married to Allen. See the trend here ?!?!... Where did Sheryl go?!?
I remember telling Craig in one of our very early training sessions at World Gym that I started this to find myself, create the person I always wanted to be, and most importantly to not lose myself being someone else... I knew I had to do it now, find this person, I was running out of time.
Don't get me wrong...again, being a wife and a mother are two awesome parts of my life, but I needed and always wanted more...I wanted to be ME, I wanted to have my own stuff, my dreams my time. 
I think this is the MOST important thing.... Let your children watch you be passionate...let them see you be fierce, let them learn from your actions...teach them that you are never to old to follow your dreams!!

For me I wasn't ever athletic, I wasn't this person before I had children. I had this person in my head for years...most of my life. I just wasn't brave enough to start the process until later in my life. Again It was a blessing to do this when I did.

So for you...I advise you to do what you want! If your dream is to be a great dancer, then DO IT. If you want to go back to school DO IT!...Take the same advise you give your children. 

"You can be whatever you want to be"

 "Regardless of the time it will take to get to your goals, go after them, the time will pass anyway"

3.What I can tell you about starting out. Again any of my past reader may know most of this already..but I thought I should say somethings again.
Before I started I looked at my life...as I said in my article on BB.com I knew I wasn't going to be able to eat bags of chips and pizza. I had to admit that I had an addiction to food and that I needed to change. I looked at weight loss as rehab. I wanted to be a different person, so I took it as a learning experience, My creating ME course ;) A few other things I listed in my bb.com article that are very important.  

SUGGESTIONS FOR ASPIRING TRANSFORMERS

"IF YOU WANT IT BAD ENOUGH, IT WILL HAPPEN. IF YOU DON'T, YOU WILL FAIL."

• Consistency is the key.
• Take progress photos.
• Accept that people will judge your body, lifestyle, and training.
• Take time to think about why you want to change.
• Transformations take time and a complete lifestyle overhaul.
• You may look worse before you look better.
• Seek out help, find a good trainer, research training, and learn about dieting.
• If you want it bad enough, it will happen. If you don't, you will fail.

In closing what I did was was MY GOAL. I have now become the person I wanted to be. I get to do what I LOVE every day. I've found my passion and I give it...I give ME...everything I deserve. I have a balance that works for me, I have gown and built my career according to my way of life. It wasn't luck, it was hard work, commitment, consistency striving to hit a clear goal and dedication to making my dreams my life.
So if you have a dream...go after it. :):)

Sophrosyne....Perfect!!

This was posted on Word Porn a while ago...yes WORD PORN...lol. I read it a dozen times and thought...YA "Sophrosyne"...That's what I'm after :)

I've been spending a TON...and I mean a TON of time thinking...Reflecting...Analyzing, and trying to understand  what I'm all about....what and who am I?!?. I'll be 37 tomorrow...and sometimes I feel as lost as I did when I was 18.

This journey of weight loss and life change has truly been that for me...a total life and self change. It's been a road full of ups and downs, confusion, desperation, learning, hurting, failing, celebrations and growing. I think...I may have some things figured out....I think my journey has finally ended so to speak.

I've been thinking a ton about why I started,...I started to feel better about myself...to be healthy and to be happy. When I think about those reasons and then think about how I currently feel, I wasn't feeling any of those things.

I wasn't feeling better about myself...I was always trying to BE better. Don't get me wrong, there is NOTHING wrong with wanting to be better, do better....I am still and always will try to be better at everything I do. But self improvement can be a fine line...a fine line between self improvement and self destruction. I've come to realize that I was in this cycle of self hating.....I stopped enjoying training and started to think of it as ...I have to impress someone, the masses, I have to get that perfect physique...I have to be better, be more tight with my diet, I have to lift more... I have to fit in.

I've realized more and more lately what I have accomplished...and wonder why I wanted so much more!? I've lost almost 100lbs...it's been off for almost 5 years...I am awesome at maintaining my weight loss... I'm strong for ME, I've got this macro "diet" understood and mastered ...My measurements are 36/26/35...WHAT THE HELL am I trying to achieve?!?...Why can't I just be happy?!?

After my contest with Popeye's I was constantly and almost instantly asked...So what's your next goal?!?. I wanted to punch people in the face for asking me that....I felt like, are you kidding me?...I just busted my ass for 12 weeks and I need to do more?...AGAIN, I need to do MORE?!?

I achieved what I felt was an awesome physique for that contest...not winning...not placing, really made me see that chasing that dream of someone else Ideals is futile...and for me... was totally self destructive. I realized after that contest that I just needed to train for me...and I remembered why I loved it. I love it because I like feeling strong, I like it because it's for ME...I like it because it makes me healthy....and it makes me happy!! :) I Don't have the perfect physique, I may not be strong in everyone eyes, but I try hard...and I've done and given my life change my everything. For the first time in a really long time... I'm  happy with how I look...with how I'm training and how I'm eating.

I'm really enjoying LEARNING about training these day's. I'm super lucky to get to train where I do and around the people I train with. I find myself really interested in learning more about training and I'm excited to start training people soon myself. I'm almost done my ISSA training program. I am excited and in the right state of mind to help others enjoy training...to enjoy feeling strong and healthy....I'm pumped about my new career as a trainer and a supporter.

I'm really lucky to have snagged a job at The Bent Elbow...I think this job came along at just the right time for me. I have met the MOST amazing welcoming people. I love who I work with and who I work for. They embrace my lifestyle but they have also reminded me what FUN is...yes what FUN is. I'm a fun person...I enjoy a good laugh, I like being silly!!!. I feel I had lost that in all my constant never ending focus on fitness and diet. Harold and Lisa from the Elbow have reminded me that you need to live a little...you can to have a few beers...eat a few fries...and enjoy a GREAT ab work out from LAUGHING!!!....I'm blessed to have these people in my life...they came at just the right time. :)

So it all comes back to the above word..."Sophrosyne". I have decided to enjoy all things in moderation with self control...I am self aware and I feel I have a much more healthy state of mind.

I will continue to train and eat healthy....but what I am changing is how I think and feel about training and diet. I will train because I love it, I love seeing my lifts improve and my physique change...I will celebrate training mile stones that are important to ME. I will eat well because I like to...and I will enjoy some treats because I can... I want to...and that is living a normal, well balanced life.

I've decided close the book of  "the journey" and enjoy the destination. I'm excited to see what happens next...I'm starting a new book. :)

I hope this blog helped someone...I feel better getting all that out...so Thank you :)

Off to Train...it's Leg Day Baby ;)

What a WILD 11 weeks....Wowzers!!

11 Wild Weeks Filled with...

 Fear, Doubt, Bullies, Demons, Humblers, Lessons, Growth, Forgiveness

Crazy Journey I'm glad I had!

Well I'm done!...LOL. It's been one heck of a Journey...Truly it has! This was so much more than just a contest for me. I always look for ways to make bad situations good, it helps me recover,...This contest came along at the right time and helped me work through a number of things.

The last few weeks I've been very reflective, it was getting close to the end and I had to think back and remember all the reasons I started this. Its a fault of mine to dwell on things, Self punishment I call it. I do it to hopefully prevent further wrongs, but I realise it actually just causes the problem to never leave me. I feel hard and I hurt hard if that makes sense....when I'm up and way up...and the same goes with my downs. 

After looking back I recognize the lessons and growth. That really means the most. 

I understand I can stop being afraid. I don't need to be scared anymore of going back to a person I no long am. I've changed my lifestyle so I don't need to fear my old one anymore. That means I don't have to fear food. Alyssa showed me that I can EAT...I can eat a ton of food because I train hard. I've said it before, I'm going to say it again and I will continue to say it. Lifting weights, building muscle is the key...the KEY to sustainable weight loss and overall health!! Even if your diet fluctuates a little, you can count on your energy burning muscles to help you! 

Alyssa kept me on a 1700 calorie diet for almost the entire 11 weeks. I had Carbs in my shake the night before the photos! There was no exception to the post work out carb...if I trained, I had to have a carb:)

Something I shared with Alyssa today was that I see how I've changed. If for some reason I didn't have a meal ready for the gym...I...Sheryl...would stop at Tim Hortons and get.... A BAGEL!!...yep, mid competition I would eat a bagel. Why...because it was soooo important to me to try as hard as I could to see gains in 11 weeks, I didn't risk not feeding my muscles what they needed!!....YAY ME!! I'm proud of that!

Another amazing thing is that I no longer care what the scale says... just typing that makes me tear up!. I truly don't give a shit!!. I started this challenge at a Soft 120lbs...And ended a lean, strong 116!! I can say strong because I have gained some precious muscle!! Craig made me hard programs!! At the start I really thought he was just being a bit o fa jerk with that much of a work load (sorry Craig). One thing about Craig is that he only asks you to do things he knows you can do. You may suck at them at the start, but he knows you can hit what he asks... My work outs were heavy and long but they provided the growth I needed. I hit personal best squatting through this ENTIRE prep!...my best squats to date 145lbs 5 sets 5 reps...I was 118lb when I did that!! I know I had growth and strength gains in my upper body and I'm excited to keep that going!

Lastly I understand I'm a pretty strong person! I've dealt with my own self doubt, un warranted attacks, old demons and finished strong. I kept going because I needed this...I needed to learn the lessons, grow as a person and move on. I fought off voices telling me to take control back....It will help me learn to let go. I accept people will love you, and they will hate you....and that's just life!! I understand you need to accept the entire picture in order to change it....so keep it real!

On That REAL Note...here are my pictures from today! -:) 

When you look at the before pictures remember that in NO way do I think I'm FAT!!. The way I felt, my lack of athletic ability is what upset me to tears. 

The lighting isn't my Favourite, takes my definition away a little...The stock room at Popeye's...LOL!!

I'm VERY proud that I only lost 4lbs! I have the best shoulders and back I've ever had. My Abs were solid and my lower V popped out!! My Legs...what can I say...I get emotional about them...they have come so far!! 

I am happy with that we did in 11 weeks...I had a great team helping, explaining and teaching me more than I ever expected. I'm beyond thankful for Alyssa's amazing diet and nutritional skills, and I still and forever will say Craig is the best trainer on the planet!

Thank you for sharing this journey with me... :)

Two Fun ones...Because I'm all about FUN!!!

Juan and I  We work and Train together

My Mini...Mini Alyssa pose...haha!!

Wowzers...What a crazy process so far...I've been Humbled!!!

I've learned a Ton...This hasn't been what I expected!!!

First..thank you to everyone for all the awesome support and encouragement...every like, every message has been VERY much appreciated!!

I'm now in the last FOUR weeks of this Challenge ...it's been an amazing learning experience and not at all what I expected.

How I have been Humbled....

Honestly I think the hardest part was coming to terms with how I actually look...that may sound weird to many but I have never actually taken a true progress picture. It's never been required so I never did it. I had no idea how to even have a progress picture taken!. 

TRUE progress pictures are just you...standing there... not flexed...that's all...Just you!! I had a really had time with what I was seeing in these pictures. I often post pictures on Instagram or even on Facebook of various parts of my body...by Abs, my Arms...the parts I like....why would I post the stuff I don't like...right?!? ...Seeing everything together was hard on me. I have VERY high expectations of myself...and the progress pictures were rather challenging!

Ab Shot for Flex Friday on IG...yes my abs look good, but remember  to look at the entire package!

PUMP!!...Again another part I like...but not showing the entire package. Nothing wrong with being proud...but keep it REAL!

Soooo seeing myself just plain, and having the entire package in one shot was kinda devastating... every Sunday!! The first set of pictures were shocking!..I had no idea actually looked how I did, Yes I had fluffed...but it was still shocking, where were my muscles :(...  I then realized I entered this contest looking this way...meaning...Sh!t...I'm in this...and this is how I look?!?. I felt like one of those bad singers on American Idol!!

I would spend most of the day Sunday nervous and feeling sick waiting for the reaction of my coaches and judges, I would analyze the pictures to DEATH...I even a crying festival in front of Alyssa one Sunday because my anxiety had just become to much to deal with!!...Poor girl!

What I've realized, is that it is VERY important to look at yourself as an entire package when you are truly wanting to make changes...AND...it's the best way to measure change because change happens soooooooo slowly!...So progress pictures, as painful as they are...really are the best way to measure changes in your physique!

I've also learned that it takes a TON of time to grow!!...Each week I would work super hard in the gym...be bang on with my macro's hoping to see huge changed next Sunday. The Worst part is that I had a vision in my head of what I would look like in 11 weeks...HAHAHAH!!...I laugh now...realizing that wasn't going to happen was yet another hard  and devastating blow to my emotional self!! It scared the crap out of me to not know what I was going to look like at the end...and that EVERYONE was going to see what I looked like in my before shots and in what could be my not so impressive after shots!...very hard pill to swallow!

I had no idea how small I really am!.. I thought I had more size (muscle) than I actually do. What I have is the ability to stay lean, and that makes me look muscular. If you put me on stage beside other athletes I would fade away into the stage! My 11 week goals have now become 11 month goals...and that is more realistic! Craig always tells me this "Don't waiver on your goals little lady...just change the time frame" I never really got that until now. It's not that I can't have amazing legs..(my dream)...I just will not have them in 11 weeks...11 months perhaps...but NOT in 11 weeks ;)

The last Humbler in this was the HIIT cardio....Pushing the prowler sled for 20 seconds FULL out...rest for 20 seconds and go again, for 15 minutes. Most people know that I have done loads of running...loads and loads. So when Alyssa asked me to add in HITT...pushing the prowler sled, I thought...OK...I'm not sure what to expect, but I'll give this a go. Thank the good Lord I only have to do HITT 2x's a week...it is honestly the HARDEST thing I have Every done!. Craig calls the After..."The Prowler Flu"...that is totally what it is... You feel like you just got the worst flu EVER!!..The way your body feels in not even describable...you need to do it to understand how hard it is!!. It has made major improvements in my lower half...so as I push the sled, I say in my head..." I don't want a jiggly butt...I don't want a jiggly butt"...ha ha!...True story!!

Love...Hate...HITT Cardio...Prowler Flu!!

So in saying all of that....What I can say is that I am VERY proud of how far I managed to come in the time I've had. I've made some solid changes in my upper half...we are looking to create a better V shape and I see that coming...my legs have leaned out a TON...they have never ever been this lean and I still weigh 117lbs! I'm also hitting all kinds of  max lifts at the Gym. What used to be my MAX single squat 135lbs...is now the weight I use for 5 sets of 5 :)....Realizing that is what made me cry at the gym a few weeks back!..It was a long time goal of mine to squat well with a 45lb plate on each side!..Yay ME! :)

My Better "V" Shape is coming!

I'm MOST MOST MOST proud of how I've dealt with the Diet. On many occasions I was very tempted to just not eat. When I wasn't seeing changes it was hard for me to no just go back to what I did before. I would think to myself...if I just stop eating, I'll be skinny...and that is better than this!. I made a promise to myself and to my coaches to follow though...to trust the process...to better myself with this contest. If I let myself fall back into old ways, I would have failed completely. I see how this process works...I'm no longer afraid to eat...I welcome the food as fuel...and I am MOST proud of that change.!!

I'm proud I stayed committed!! 

Thanks for taking the time to read this Blog...my main points and things I've learned are:

1. Don't fool yourself with fake progress pictures and filters...AND Don't BE fooled by IG and filters!!

2. Look at the Entire Package if you want to change the Entire Package

3.It takes a TON of time and eating to grow

4.Trust in the process and work HARD

I'm beyond thankful to Alyssa and Craig. Everyone knows the "Body by Bongelli" The Big Man got me started, I'll be forever thankful!!...I'm super excited to present the "HOLY CRAP by Coppolino" in 4 short weeks :). The diet has really been the game changer in this for me...Alyssa has been an amazing coach!!...Craig has always trained me well, but now that this little lady has fuel, I kill his programs! ;)

When you see her Train... see her Grow...you WANT to work with her!!...100% Dedication to Training herself and her Clients! 

I'm 36 and Being BULLIED....Yep...Bullied!!.....By Grown Women...Pathetic!!

So I thought I would share a little something with those that enjoy my bogs and posts....Bullies...They never change!!

I wanted to share with those that read and enjoy my blogs that I've got some Bullies...I have been attacked on several occasions by some grown up MEAN GIRLS!! I honestly can't believe that these MOTHERS would treat another person the way I have been treated.

This Picture was sent to a person I know...she said she does not know the sender, and the phone # in the picture is not from the sender. This text has been placed in another text to look like it came from this random # and then sent off. 

Yep A Grown Woman sent this around!...a Grown woman with Kids!

So the above picture was taken OFF my Facebook by a "friend" They choose to add that caption...and send it around. I've taken this to the police and we know it was sent by a Woman...One she attacked me as a mother...and Two she attacked my sexuality. All it takes is a suspects phone # and the receivers # to confirm who did this...but I'm choosing to be the bigger person and not press charges...nor tell who it is. I just hope they read this blog and understand how pathetic they are!

YES I fully understand that when you post on ANY social media site you are open to critics...I'm not oblivious to that fact!!. But what is pathetic is that I'm being bullied by grown women...that in my opinion are jealous. They are upset that I have managed to keep my weight off...I have struggled...I've been honest...and I'm trying to get better, Yet I STILL get attacked by Grown women with children!!

The point of my post is to tell you that no matter what you are doing in life people will find inspiration...OR...they will find a reason to Hate on you!!!..So just keep Swimming!!

These games played by immature girls does nothing but push me harder!...So thank you for being bitches!! I have an amazing support system behind me...helping me get Healthy. 

I'm not looking for oh I'm sorry you are dealing with this Sheryl...or any thing like that. I want anyone that reads this to know that I fight HARD...I fight every day to be healthy...and I'm not letting anyone stop me! I've had a TON of people tell me they have dealt with the same issues I am dealing with, and knowing I am helping at least ONE person...make all this other stuff laughable!

So to the Mean Girls...I know who you are...and I think you are Pathetic, I've helped you in the past with weight issues and been nothing but supportive of you!...You are Mothers!. Imagine if your child was being treated like you are treating me?...how would you react?.. Likely not as well as I am reacting!! NO one is forced to read my blogs...like my posts...this contest...or my photos. So if you are not interested...that is A-OK...but Please look at what you are doing, how you are behaving and make yourself better!!

 I will continue to blog,post pictures and kick ASS...This journey is for ME...for my Health.

Macro's??...So what's all this Talk about Macro's.....

MACRO CITY!!!

So what's all this chatter about Macro's?...every time I look on FB or IG everyone is chatting about Macro's...and that is awesome!

I haven't been this excited about a way of eating since Weight Watcher. WW had great flexibility, you got to structure your day based on Points. Well Macro's work in much the same way.

With either system you can choose how to spend or use your Macro's. You can choose to spend all your WW points on cereal and milk if you so wish, the same with Macro's. Even using your macro's in a poor way, you should still loose or maintain weight.

I'm so excited about Macro's because this time around I know more, have different goals and I have a Diet coach teaching me so much, my brain hurts at times!!

How my love of Macro's Began....

I first heard about Macro's from my Friend Katie. Katie is an Athlete and she also uses Macro's as a way of life. Katie mentioned it to me and I thought...humm sounds interesting, but it seemed like work and at that point in my life more work wasn't appealing....so I left it at...Hummmmm.

Over the Summer I was over having a play day with my Friend Carrie. Carrie is also an Athlete and she is a busy working Mom of 3 young girls. Carrie started talking to me about Macro's too...again I thought, hummm...again more Macro talk...but being in a bad place I didn't really want to listen to much.

Soon after that play day Alyssa talked to me about Macro's...This was after I had spoken to Craig about my eating issues...and we were taking steps to correct it. I was really humbled that Alyssa was offering to step in and help me. So because I respected that so much I decided to listen and really learn  how Macro's work. :)

So how they work in a very short description :) Alyssa did an analysis of my systems for me..she knows my training. With all that info she gives me a break down of daily Goals for food. Those goals are Protein, Carb, Fat and Fiber. I need to intake all the Macro's she instructs me to eat...it really doesn't matter how I get it in...but I have to get it in!

It's likely the best "diet" I have ever learned about. The super cool thing is that it works for starters, and it works for athletes...even elite athletes!!

When I first started with Macro's I played around a TON...so many days I would miss hitting all my macro's and have to figure out a way to hit them the next day. So I made a ton of Bowls!!...Bowls rule...take lots of yummy stuff and mix it together...yeah, that's Macro's!! :)

Example: Cabbage, Spinach, Avocado, Tuna, red peppers, Cucumbers Mayo mixed with mustard as dressing. :) Amazing!!

Mexican: Love this one:)...Cabbage and spinach, Avocado  Re fried beans, tomato, spicy enchilada sauce!!..so Yum :)

** Notice I always make 2...it just makes life easy!!**

So I enter all the ingredients into My fitness pal and I know where I am at for the day...that's why making 2 is really a helpful thing for a busy Mom.

The bowls are good for every day...but the amazing thing is, I'm now in a competition...my Macro numbers started out the same....but I changed from everyday eating to Athlete eating.

I call it Athlete eating because it's all about timing macro's around your training. I make sure I have lots of carbs around my training...load up on fats in the morning, and eat small meals often.

So now I split my carbs to focus on my training schedule. I need to ensure my body is well fed and grows. Alyssa has monitored my Macro's since day one of this challenge.  She started me off close to where I was before the bulk...about 1300 calories broken up how she felt best suited me...she needed to see how I responded. Well I lost weight way to fast...working out burned to much so she upped me to 1500, mostly upping my carbs and Fat...sure enough I still lost. So finally we have settled in well at 1700 calories per day...DOUBLE ...DOUBLE what I was eating before I spoke with Craig!! 

What's also awesome is that I'm only 2lbs lighter then when I weighed in for this competition...but I'm fairly lean!...So having a great macro balance and eating my Macro's timed properly is really working amazing!!

It does take lots of prep to eat like this...but the results are worth it. I eat out of containers a lot-lol...but it's all very routine for me now. I think I have a good pattern and I'm seeing lots of positive changes!!

You get to be creative with Macro's...it gets you excited about food again. You have total control on how you use Macro's and tracking with My fitness Pal keeps you accountable and aware of what goes in your mouth. 

Pre work out Pumpkin Protein Pancakes

If you choose to try Macro's see someone that can set you up with the correct numbers. If you try an on line calculator it doesn't know you!!...I tried it and the numbers were way far off from what Alyssa gave me...and what she has given me is working!

Next week I will be posting about the progress...and YES I will bite the HUGE bullet and post some pictures...the before are going to be tough to post!! But... I'm excited about the changes I've made in 3 weeks...so I'll share what 4 weeks of IIFYM with Alyssa and Training with Craig has done :)

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail

Doing something for me, makes me better for others

It's been an interesting experience thus far...

Ups Downs and the Lessons.

Well it's go time for this contest. Thanks to everyone for the kind words and encouragement. I thought it would be a good idea to get my thoughts down on "paper" so I can look back.

I'm having my picture, measurements and weight taken tomorrow. I'm more than a little freaked out about it!!!. I'm feeling the most uncomfortable I have in years...I'm soft from not training...I'm really struggling with the idea of jumping this far out of my comfort zone! I knew this would come, and I wondered how I would react...I guess now I know.

Commitment to change to improve and to be healthy

I'm not sure why this is so hard for me to do, why I'm so anxious about being seen not at my best, just out of bed so to speak. I know full well I will be back in good shape in a couple of weeks...but knowing I need to expose my worst is hard! 

I've learned a lot though this and I'll have to just take a breath tomorrow and know I did this for a greater purpose, to learn and to have a healthier lifestyle...and better self image.

I have to say I feel much better about my relationship with food. I can honestly honestly say that I did not enjoy very much of the crappy eating. I really paid attention to how I felt eating poorly, and for the most part I really just didn't want to be eating it. I'd say the novelty wore off pretty fast for me. 

That taught me that I really do have a grip on this...I really don't have to worry about going back to how I was before. That lesson alone is worth this.

I've decided to promise myself I will trust this process. I will trust Craig and Alyssa with my diet and my training. Me giving up control is beyond hard...I feel a little sick typing it. 

Strong enough to start over

I am smart enough to realize that what I was doing was NOT working...so in order to learn something new, that should work...I need to do everything they say. I have to resist the urge to eat less because I think I should, I need to not do more cardio because I think I should. I need to trust in this process...that will be a huge challenge for me. I'll have to pay close attention to that aspect of this challenge.

So that's how it's gone so far...I've had ups and positive lessons...and some downs because of fears and insecurity.

I've really understood that it's ME against ME...just like when I changed the first time. 

Truth