Three years later...the good, the bad and the ugly.

I have been meaning to do this blog for weeks now but the thoughts and feelings were not coming to me...I've been very up and very down these days and I didn't feel I had to much to say....I felt in Limbo.

One of my very best friends Amy Greer reminded me today that it's been THREE years since I made the decision to start Weight Watcher...I was blown away...THREE years?!?...My youngest son is 3 yrs old...I have been on this roller coaster for almost as long as he has been alive!...perspective eh!!

It has been one amazing ride....full of ups...downs...disappointments...growing...doubt...worry... trying to self accept....and self praise.

The last 2 points have been the hardest for me. I have had a hard time accepting how I look, there has been lots of changes...good and bad. I seem to focus on the bad and I have a hard time taking a compliment. Craig my trainer will tell me..."WOW little lady your arms are looking amazing"... I will follow that with, "well if I could only get my legs to follow suit"...he then looks at me with his "Duh" face and says..."I wasn't talking about your legs skinny"...I really hate him sometimes!!!...How can a 22yr old kid be so smart?? He knows me too well. Unfortunately that's how I am with most people, totally unable to take a compliment.  Craig has been encouraging me to take compliments and not follow a compliment by pointing out a "flaw"...it's been very hard...but he holds me accountable....and I am punished on leg day for any slip ups ;)

Self Praise has been hard...I believe in holding yourself accountable...I am held accountable by Craig, my Family and by Facebook. Today I took a BIG breath and posted a picture of my abs...I've been working very hard for MONTHS on a "Body by Bongelli"  A Promo for the Personal Training Department at World Gym...we are doing the photo's for the Gym Promo on the 10th of February. I did this today because I am trying to work on being OK with self praise...I'm trying really hard to be proud of my efforts...and to not look at my pride as gloating, or perhaps bragging...it's been something I've really struggled with...the ability to have pride in my accomplishments....and most importantly to not get upset if I don't get the reaction or praise I expect from others that are close to me....I have to remind myself daily that I am doing this for ME... The Dr. Seuss saying has been very helpful to me...reminding me that those that understand matter, and those that don't....well...don't.

So I guess after 3 years I can finally say that I am starting to see the vision I had in my head of what I wanted to look like and most importantly FEEL like ...I am still working on body image, acceptance and learning to love the new me....all things in time. :)